Today, June 27 2015 I woke feeling very calm and at ease. Like everything was okay and if not, everything will be okay. Today is very special to me because it’s my dad’s birthday. So I woke and started talking to him. I haven’t seen him in a while so I felt we should talk, luckily he was near me. It was a one sided conversation. He lets me express myself, while his form of response is the way he makes me feel after I say certain things.
“Hey dad, I stopped calling you daddy lol, I’m grown now. Happy birthday, you’re so old. Thank you for keeping me safe all these years and being there when I felt alone. I’m fine, just struggling in some parts of life but I know it will get better. So many things have changed since we last had a real conversation. I wouldn’t even know where to start. Mommy, Russ and I are so close now, not because you haven’t been here but due to our situation, you know what I mean. Russ is doing well in school and mommy’s doing big things right now, I am so proud of them.
I want to tell you thank you for all that you’ve done for me. You have influenced my life so much, I don’t think you know. I wish I could sew. All my friends think I should start but I refuse to learn from anyone else but you daddy and we both know why you can’t teach me anymore. Every time I take up the needle and thread I feel like I am making you proud. For the little I can do, I think I do it well. I am very creative daddy. I don’t think you had noticed when I was little, yes I know you see it now. I still tell you everything. I think art, you know drawing was my thing, like you. How cliche, my parents are my role models. I like doing stuff with my hands and creating or designing things. Sometimes when you’re far I sit and imagine us as a design team or a creative arts team.
Dad you influenced my life in ways you probably never saw coming. The way I carry myself is partly due to you. You once told me.”
“Girls should always be clean, it’s lady-like.”
“Do you remember? It was right after I got my new P.E sneakers and they were all white and you wanted me to keep them that way. You told me so much things about being a young lady that are permanently engraved in my soul and will be a ‘Leveridge life Lesson’ for my kids. You told me girls saw ‘ewww’ when disgusted and little girls shouldn’t have cuts and bruises, when I was little I didn’t care, but now I really wished I listened. Daddy I have so much questions for you, so many knowledge seeking questions, but that’s for when I see you face to face again. I rolled over when I woke up and the sun was shining so beautifully. I knew it was you and I just had to speak to you. I love speaking with angels. I love my last name and the confused look people get when I spell it. I wear my name proudly. I will never lose it or remove it and it’s so important to me because you gave it to me, it is the one thing in this world that people can’t take from me.”
I love you Martin, rest in peace.