How I Overcame My Insecurities

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We are not perfect, well I’m … Seriously we’re not perfect and when I say perfect I mean society’s idea of perfect.  Some of us developed a strong self esteem from early on so we flaunt or flaws as trademarks of originality. It’s a great defense mechanism.  I did it and still do it.  But not everyone is as lucky as the select few who can make beauty from ashes. 

I didn’t have the best teeth and a matter of fact they were far from picturesque.  But it didn’t bother me when I was younger because I sacrificed my vanity for comfort.  My teeth were ‘bad’ because I sucked my thumb which caused them to space out along with being pushed out so I had buck teeth.  I also chipped my front tooth when I was six but that story is for another time.  I will admit that I sucked my thumb for a VERY LONG TIME.   Let’s just say I was well into my teen years.   As I said before I didn’t care for vanity when I was younger because genuinely children don’t care.  That changed when I started preeteen years. That dreadful time when you start puberty,  where you see boys as more than friends and our bodies begin to change.  This is the time we become aware of the world.  A few kids noticed my flaw and decided to ridicule me for it, kids will be kids.  They would tease me and call me “chicken teeth”.  You know sticks and stones right?  Well those words hurt me.  I’ve been blatantly called ugly and I’ve been told multiple times my teeth are awful.  As a little girl growing up in my impressionable years I felt disgusting.  I felt like a cast away, the one who was left behind.

Sometimes we need to take time to ourselves to seriously take care of our selves.

This wasn’t an everyday feeling, thank God.  I had a great mom and a handful of people telling me how smart and beautiful I was and I chose to listen to them.  I decided that if my family says these positive things about me then I should believe them because they know what’s best for me and I felt real love from them.  Why would I listen to the bad things when I have my glimmer of hope,  a silver lining. This is where my confidence came from.  I decided to be positive in that aspect.  To believe that I’m smart and beautiful in my own way.  So I lived with my crooked teeth for nineteen years.  I learned to deal with it.  Closed mouth smile and all.  I had the London look and rocked it.

I never broadcast my Insecurities because I know people will take advantage of it and try and break my spirit.  People will hit you in your weak spots to break you down, don’t you ever let them.  If someone made fun of my teeth in public I would laugh just like the rest of them.  It’s not as if I didn’t know how they looked. They would make jokes to hurt me but they saw that it didn’t have the intended effect so they stopped.  I never let them know how I really felt.  I didn’t bottle up a feeling, I played the field right.  They saw my strong hand and left the game. Thank you to all the people who made fun of me, you pushed me to really love my self.  It took a long time to come to terms with my teeth but I’m happy the way I am now and happy for the way I was.  I thought to myself why am I going to get worked up about something that at the time I couldn’t fix. Robyn you have to learn to love it.  I loved every part of me but I knew there’s always some room for improvement so I decided I would fix my teeth when I became an adult and could afford braces or invisaline or vineers.  But until I became an adult with such opportunities I loved the heck out of Robyn Leveridge.  Ladies and gents too go on brush your shoulder off! Tell em’ Jay!  I decided not to dwell on my ‘fault’ but to better my good.  I could dance, draw, write, create and pick up stuff just by watching you do it, and I was so proud of myself for all my mini victories.  So I showed of my best and hoped you could love my worst.

My ramblings come down to this, I Robyn Leveridge decided to love myself and develop myself the way I want to be.  No one else mattered when it came down to me and my life.  It took time, real time and effort to love my teeth and I’m still finding ways to love and cope with my other flaws.  There will come a time where you might not feel your best due to a situation but remeber that down feeling can be temporary. You might not see a quick fix right away but there is indeed a solution on the way.  Sometimes you’ll need to be creative to help yourself feel better.  The time frame you may feel sad or insecure is up to you, because the minute you decide to take a chance and love yourself and try and fix your issue your life will take a beautiful turn.  This goes for all problems, physical , mental, social.  Your life begins when you start loving you.

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 I got braces on May 4 2012 from Dr. Otto Beck of tingrinners club.  I loved my brace face journey.  They suited me quite well.  I rarely felt any pain but I did have surgery.  My journey was a total of 38 months and 12 days and I loved it.  1, because I already felt beautiful so I was mentally prepared and 2 because I got to straighten my teeth so all the people who made fun of me can shut up now.  I don’t go around smiling all day like I’m a mad woman I behave normal.  I am living my life as I would normally. I don’t think I’m better than anyone or more beautiful nor a better Robyn.  I just think I’m different.  To me its like a got a new haircut, I just got new teeth. I’m not even used to them yet.  It’s only been a few days from today’s post date.  My gap was my thing and now its gone.  I sometimes think that I just blend into society now. I can make another ‘flaw’ my trademark no big deal I have many.  What you may see as a flaw I see as your beauty mark.  So my gap is gone but I’m still going to rock the crap out of my canckles.

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Before I got my braces.

Thank you so much for stopping by #LeveridgedLives =}. Today embrace your ‘beauty mark.’

Photographs taken by F. Blake

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