The Emotion We Hate Talking About

I cry.  I cry so much I can’t breathe.  I get so sad sometimes I feel like I can’t go on.  Then I’m okay.  I normally feel better after a good cry, a proper hearty, stuffy nose cry.  It’s therapeutic to me.  It feels as if my problems shrink with each tear. If you’re feeling sad and trapped go ahead and cry.  Close your room door and let it out. Scream into your pillow and empty your thoughts.  If you don’t have a room to yourself go into the bathroom close the door and let the eye sweats roll.  You should embrace your sadness because it’s perfectly okay to cry.

 It’s more popular for us to display our lives as perfect.  Other persons will see our new clothes and bright smiles and say that’s how my life should be. Striving to be like the others who take trips every month and drink the finest wines. Let me get you in on a little secret. It is all an illusion, they feel sad sometimes too. The perfect life they portray isn’t so perfect after all. When you go to a store they put their best pieces on display and the old outdated stuff are in the for sale bin at the back. Everyone is just keeping up appearances. But are they as happy as their Instagram would make it seem? Well I can’t answer for them but I know at times I’m not.

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This past week was really hard for me emotionally. Deadlines were staring me in the face and certain things I wanted I realized I couldn’t get. I just felt down. I wasn’t feeling like  myself. I haven’t been feeling like myself for quite sometime now. I will admit I am a worrier and I am a text book case of paranoid. If you say you’re going to call me back in five minutes and six minutes have passed, I immediately think  the worst,  “Did you die?!?!?!” Yes I ate a lot of sugar when I was younger. Me being a paranoid, worrying girl with anxiety makes any bad situation ten times worst than it is.  I was feeling trapped and alone and so scared by worrying about my situations. I thought there was no way I could bounce back.  I got so sad one day that I finally cried.

I cried so much. My face was dripping wet and I couldn’t breathe through my nose any more. My boyfriend held me and we sat in silence while I cried. All the bad things I thought rushed through my mind and it only made me cry more. After I finished crying he said

” I won’t say everything will be allright but I will try my hardest to make sure you’re happy from here on out.”

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 I laid in bed rethinking all the situations that made me cry in the first place and they didn’t seem as bad anymore. My mind cleared up and I could think straight. I prioritised and moved things around so that I stopped feeling overwhelmed. I could think clearly now the tears are gone. I became practical. I took my time and looked at each situation trying to find ways to work it out and I did. I dealt with a few things and will sort out the others when the time is right. 

I completey understand that you won’t feel happy everyday and that’s perfectly fine, sadness is a natural emotion. If you’re feeling sad you should talk it out with someone. An outside opinion can bring light into your cloudy mind. Not everyone is a crier, you may just need a good talk.  Find some one who won’t judge or pity you. You need some one who won’t be biased about your situation. They need to tell you the truth. They have to be open and trusting so they can tell it as it is. If you have outstanding debts but no money you need to let the person know that you’re going to need a bit more time and then you sit and work out a payment schedule. Do not find a friend who will bullshit you and say everything will be okay just pay them back with juicy layers of trident gum. If you choose to sit in your sadness then guess what you won’t feel any better. YOU have to want to feel better.

Thank you for stopping by #LeveridgedLives =}. I hope you work through your sadness in the best way for you ♥

photographs taken by F. Blake

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