Before true inception we’ve all been a part of “something”. We’ve been members of groups even without having distinctive knowledge of membership. Whether you identify as swimming around as a sperm, or floating around in your mama as an egg, you can’t deny that membership has been embedded in our minds almost as a right of passage. We’re then born into families, another group, we may also be classed by complexities such as social issues by who’s grandfather played what roles in history, was he the slave or the ‘masaa.’ Needless to say we are constantly barraged with the idea that we are not alone. So why then do I feel alone, when society forces me into categories.
We are alone when life breaks down into the nitty gritty. We all have our sh@t to deal with. Situations may be similar. I know I’m not the only dealing with student loan drama, but my situation differs gravely from yours. I am the one who feels these tears on her face and who’s heart breaks from stress and anxiety . From the simplest to the biggest situations we know we might get judged of our true selves and due to this fact we actually never share this part of our hearts. How do you express to your bestfriend with their large nuclear family that you have pent up anger because you don’t have a dad? Or the friend living their “perfect” life that your dream career is 10 years away? We never express these feelings because they can not understand how you feel. They can support you and be the shoulder to cry on, but when they’re gone you are left alone. Now you’re questioning how alone is really alone?
Right now I’m dealing with a really serious and difficult decision but I can’t depend on anyone for advice because of what’s at stake. Ultimately whatever choice is made has to be made by me, that in the end if I love it or regret it, I won’t feel betrayed as I have previously by people who didn’t understand my situation. I’m okay being alone right now. It’s hard, but I am really okay dealing with this on my own. Sometimes in life we may be separated from our groups by choice or force, but we need to learn to be okay with it. Depend on yourself for happiness first, learn to love your own company. Seriously talk to yourself, middle finger to the haters who judge you. They hate you cause they aint you boo. Friends may come and go and life will continue to shift but the only constant is you. Be mature enough to know when you need your group from when you need some alone time.
Thank you so much for stopping by LeveridgedLives. I hope you find time for some personal TLC