time I’ve tried writing this post it turns into a passive aggressive collective or a blatantly bashful post. I used the post to channel my anger towards the persons that I’m upset at. Instead I’ve decided to speak from a different place, a sad place. It’s particularly hard for me to write this post today because I am feeling vulnerable and emotional.
For as long as I can remember I’ve had a positive body image. I’ve been very comfortable and happy with the way I look. I appreciate all our different shapes and sizes, I equally love someone who wears double zero and someone who fits into size 44 jeans. I felt body image was a personal thing, you were responsible for the way you saw yourself and if you have an issue with something then you choose to take care of it. I would say I had a good body image, I wouldn’t worry about my “imperfections” or strangers opinions of me. I thought I looked great, I enjoyed how I felt and I never listened to anyone’s remarks. Until a few people felt their opinions needed to be voiced. I listened because I hoped they were coming from a helpful place, they weren’t. They came from a dark place with hurtful intentions, but I believed they were good and let their opinions seep in. I never understood why someone would take the responsibility of letting you know what on your body needs “fixing.”
How is it that you’re so blindly narcissistic that you feel your opinion is so fucking important. If they spew their verbal garbage often enough people will start to think that their opinions were right and then you get in your head and begin to worry that your once beautiful body is nothing more than a sac of fleshy garbage. There have been people in my life that have made me feel this way. They subtly pass remarks that make me feel less than because I don’t look like them. The constant bombardment of verbal shit has made me weak. Right now writing this I’m not okay. Right now unfortunately they’ve won and I’m so mad that this is my outcome. Of course I’m ashamed and mad, because I let these small minded hypocrites play such an important role in my life. I’ve made their shallow remarks on my body win over the strong willed healthy view I’ve had. I’m sad that each time they mention me I hurt and listen to their garbage. I’m mad that no one understands or tried to understand that their remarks can and do hurt people.
They’ve made the concept of weight gain sound like an awful thing. As if how dare you want to gain weight to look more womanly, or because you’re growing. I’ve wanted to put on weight to increase certain assets and I was ridiculed. I didn’t tell anyone I wanted to gain weight and I didn’t have to. But everyone was sure to tell me that a small can’t fit or that I looked larger. Which was the goal, but they made it seem like such a negative. You would think that I ballooned and moved from under 120 to over 500. When in actuality all my clothes fit and looked the same. Why do people make it seem that putting on a few pounds is such a negative thing? I personally think that when a woman puts on her adult weight that’s her most beautiful state. Her curves start coming through, her weight shifts to the more flattering spots and her image looks more womanly. Wouldn’t you think that accepting the few pounds would ironically make you look better instead of looking like a teenager. I’m all about retaining youth but I’m glad I don’t look like a 16 year old. But persons in my life are clearly blind to these natural biological changes and prefer to make everyone around them feel physically inferior.
I have a medical issue that affects my appearance. I’ve lived with it and have come to terms with it while learning to manipulate it. Dealing with it was already hard but having people pass remarks made it even harder, because it’s something I can’t help. So trying to think of yourself positively while dealing with a physical issue in a space where you should be supported doesn’t seem possible if everyone is bashing you. It’s so hard because you want to believe that you look great and you want to feel happy but all these people make it difficult. I’m beyond hurt at the situation and most times I get over it and go back to my beautiful mindset, but I can’t shake it this time, I’m at my breaking point. A whole lot of emotions are coursing through me and a whole lot of topics need to be touched on. Monday I have a personal post, not so emotional but something worth reading. And on I’ll have a fashion/ style post. I tried my hardest not to make this entire blog post a big FUCK YOU to everyone who has hurt me. I’m not sure how it did. For more emotional posts or some fashion, style, diy or travel enter your email in the top right hand corner to follow this blog and on all my socials which are also in the sidebar. You guys probably didn’t make it this far, tweet me if you ever did.
Question of the day:
Do you agree with me or disagree? Leave your opinion below.
Thank you for stopping by the blog today, a much lighter topic is coming up on Friday on my fav place to shop that’s 24hr!